


Lonely Hearts Club

by biscuitsandgravy



Category: Free!
Genre: Crying, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscuitsandgravy/pseuds/biscuitsandgravy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke's recently discovered that he's fallen in love with Rin. When Ai finds out, he decides it's time to play matchmaker. Too bad Rin's in love with someone else. And too bad Sousuke really doesn't know what he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tumblr post that made me really want to make myself miserable, so here we go! I won't link to it, because I don't want to give away the end goal. Let me just say: not every pairing tagged now or in the future will be endgame.
> 
> Also, though it doesn't really affect plot, I wanted to lay out a timeline. I don't think we've gotten official confirmation, but I'm working on the assumption that the Samezuka cultural festival takes place in the fall, a month or two after ES takes place (September or October). Also, the assumption that the new Samezuka captain isn't picked until the end of the school year (around March). Therefore, the water gun fight has already taken place, but Ai hasn't been named captain yet.

 

Sousuke knows he hasn’t exactly been the best friend over the years. Hiding secrets from Rin isn’t something he likes to do, but here he is. True, maybe Rin has made some mistakes too: not contacting him at all for years, for starters.

But right now, Sousuke feels like he’s the worst friend in the world. Like he’s betrayed the trust Rin has placed in him over the years. Like simply by falling in love with his best friend, he’s committed an atrocity against nature.  Then again, maybe it was inevitable. Sousuke feels like Rin understands him, and he knows that he understands Rin. Even the years where they didn’t see each other didn’t take away from that.

All Sousuke knows is that lately, every time Rin casually leans on him or touches him in any way, he feels sparks fly. It’s not an ideal feeling for two people who spend a ton of time together and see each other half-naked all the time. Swim practice has definitely been a little awkward recently, considering Sousuke’s been sitting on the sidelines and watching. 

Watching Rin, in his very fitted swimsuit.

With the transparent patches on the thighs. 

It’s a good thing Rin’s too busy bossing the rest of the team around to notice Sousuke staring at him. Unfortunately, Nitori doesn’t have the same obligations and therefore has time to pay attention to Sousuke.

“Sousuke-senpai, could you watch my form?” Ai asks one day during the middle of practice.

“Yeah, sure,” Sousuke answers. Ai launches himself off the starting block, but too bad Rin’s a few lanes over, correcting a first-year as he crouches on the starting block. Sousuke doesn’t even realize that he’s been staring at him as he demonstrates the ideal starting position until Ai swims all the way back to him.

“See something you like?” Ai asks. Sousuke jumps. 

“Shit, I’m sorry Ai,” he apologizes sheepishly. Ai grins.

“It’s not a big deal. Your secret’s safe with me,” he winks. “As long as you actually watch me this time, that is.”

This time, Sousuke actually does what he promised and gives Ai some feedback when he returns. He climbs out of the pool, and restarts. Sousuke notices some improvement. At the opposite end of the lane, Ai looks to him for reassurance and Sousuke gives him a thumbs up. Sousuke can see his grin from where he’s standing.

 

* * *

 

It’s Friday night when Rin suggests they go into town for dinner, instead of eating in the cafeteria. Considering the weekend usually leftovers from earlier in the week, Sousuke’s happy to agree. He’s looking forward to some time outside school with Rin.

But then Rin invites Ai along. Sousuke doesn’t mind, not really, but as they all walk to a local burger restaurant he can’t help wishing the younger boy weren’t there. Rin and Ai are chatting happily and Sousuke imagines that it’s him that just told Rin a joke and made him laugh.

Almost as if Ai can read his thoughts, he turns around and notices that Sousuke is trailing slightly behind them. He beckons Sousuke forward and just when Sousuke thinks that all three of them walking side by side is going to be awkward, Ai slips slightly behind them. 

_Was that on purpose?_ Sousuke wonders. As they enter the restaurant, Sousuke holds the door open for Rin but Ai nudges Sousuke before he can wait for him too. Sousuke and Rin end up in line next to each other, so Ai may have planned that. _Huh. He’s sneaky._

After ordering, they find a booth together. Ai sits on the opposite side from Rin, allowing Sousuke to sit next to Rin. It’s a pretty good meal, all things considered.

 

* * *

 

Of course, Sousuke forgot that good times don’t always last. On their way back to school, they run into the entire Iwatobi swim team. Sousuke clenches his fist when Rin immediately runs to Haru and throws an arm around his neck.

“Oh, Ai-chan! Sou-chan! Rin-chan!” Nagisa greets. “What are you guys up to?”

“We got burgers for dinner,” Ai responds. “Are you guys out for dinner too?”

“There’s a movie playing at the local theater that we all agreed on,” Rei answers, adjusting his glasses.

“Doesn’t Haru fall asleep in movies?” Rin teases, nudging Haru. Haru looks away, trying to shrug Rin’s arm away.

 “I can stay awake when I’m interested,” Haru grumbles.

Makoto smiles. “It’s a movie about the ocean,” he adds helpfully. Sousuke realizes that he still hasn’t contributed anything to this conversation, but he can’t think of anything relevant to add. Words such as “stop” and “get off him” rise in his throat but he keeps them buried. How strange it would be for him to yell at Haru for Rin draping his arm over his shoulder. 

With all of his energy on Rin and Haru, Sousuke doesn’t notice Ai. To be fair, Ai isn’t exactly the kind of person to stand out (Ai always tells himself). He considers himself average, painfully so, and the kind of person you only notice when he inserts himself into your life. He hates that he had to latch himself to Rin until he considered him a friend, and that he’s doing the same thing to Sousuke. He actually is aware when the other swim team members are just humoring him; he’s more observant than others give him credit for.

Not that noticing Sousuke’s crush on Rin was especially hard, and it’s not hard to see how jealous Sousuke is now.

“A movie sounds nice,” Ai suggests. “Sousuke-senpai, Rin-senpai, maybe we could join them?” Nagisa nods enthusiastically at the idea.

“Sorry,” Sousuke responds gruffly. “I have things to work on. I only had time for dinner.” And he turns and walks away with his hands in his pockets.

“Aw, Sou-chan’s a party pooper,” Nagisa pouts. “But Rin-chan and Ai-chan could stay!”

“Yeah, I’ll stay,” Rin says. “You guys don’t mind?”

“Of course not, Rin-san!” Rei says. “Aiichirou-kun? Will you be staying as well?”

Ai thinks about it for a minute. Of course, he could stay and plant himself in between Haru and Rin, for Sousuke’s sake, but he also doesn’t want Sousuke to walk back to school alone when he clearly has a lot on his mind. “Sorry, I think I’ll head back with Sousuke-senpai. It was nice to see everyone though! Have fun!” He waves as he turns and runs to catch up with Sousuke.

Ai can still see Sousuke not too far ahead. He’s careful not to slip on the street that’s wet from a recent rain. “Sousuke-senpai!” he calls. Sousuke stops and waits for him. “Thanks!” he says as they begin walking. Sousuke hums in response, but is silent otherwise.

“I know this area is small, but it’s always surprising running into someone you know!” Ai says to break the silence. “Maybe we should go on a team outing soon, of course we have more team members than they do, but we could still invite Gou-kun, and maybe even Mikoshiba-buchou, if he’s in town…”

“Ai,” Sousuke says abruptly.

“Yes?” Ai sounds nervous, as usual.

"How long has Rin been into Nanase.” It’s not a question. Sousuke’s voice is even and cautious.

“Um,” Ai starts. “A while,” he whispers. Sousuke’s tension is visible, even in the fading autumn sunlight. Ai isn’t sure if he should continue, but he hates the silence. “He only joined the swim team last year because of Nanase-kun. He wanted to race with him. Well, not with him, against him,” and now Ai realizes he’s rambling out of nervousness. “It’s complicated, I think.”

“Do you,” Sosuke starts. “Do you think Nanase feels the same?” Sousuke seems to be speaking to the ground more than to Ai. Ai thinks he hears his voice crack.

“I don’t know,” Ai murmurs. “Rin-senpai and Nanase-kun seem drawn to each other. But Nagisa-kun thinks Tachibana-kun may have feelings for Nanase-kun.”

Sousuke is silent for a long time. They reach the dorm building in silence, and Sousuke only waves to Ai as they part ways to go to their rooms.

When Ai gets to his room, he finds that Momo’s not in. He sits down on his bed and puts his head in his hands. Little does he know that in his own room, Sousuke is doing the same.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quality time with the boys.

The next weekend, Ai really does suggest a team lunch.

“I’ll go, but I see the team enough as it is,” Rin whines as he lays on his bed. “But you can bring Momo. Sousuke, are you in?” Rin kicks Sousuke’s mattress.

“Fine,” he says, not wanting to seem too eager.

So thirty minutes later, the four of them leave. Ai had suggested calling up Gou, and Momo pointed out that his brother’s in town, but Rin was not in favor of that idea (“Over my dead body,” he growled). They go to a different restaurant from last time, an all-you-can-eat buffet. Momo definitely plans to do just that, and Sousuke’s not against the idea either. Once again, Ai manages to arrange it so that Rin and Sousuke are sitting next to each other. The downside of this being that now Sousuke has to watch Momo inhale his food (“A disaster waiting to happen,” Sousuke snorted).

It turns out to be a pleasant outing. It’s sunny and a little warmer, so they decide to stroll around town for a bit. Sousuke tries to walk next to Rin and let Momo and Ai lead the way, but Momo’s a bit like a dog on a leash, zigzagging across the sidewalk when something catches his eye and randomly doubling back. More than once, Momo grabs Rin’s hand and pulls him in the direction of something he finds particularly interesting. Ai notices this too; he turns around and smiles sympathetically at Sousuke. Then he makes a show of fumbling with his phone and checking the time.

“Momo-kun, we need to leave. We need to, uh, clean our room!” Ai says, grabbing Momo’s arm. He catches Sousuke’s eye and winks.

“But, Ai-senpai, can’t it wait?” Momo whines.

“No! Now that I am almost a third-year, I need to make sure I have a clean room!” Ai insists.

“What does that have to do with your room?” Sousuke teases.

“So this doesn’t have anything to do with the ants in your desk?” Momo says slyly. Ai’s blushing and his mouth is opening and closing, obviously trying to think of a retort when Rin comes to his rescue.

“Hey, that’s actually an admirable goal,” Rin says fondly. He ruffles Ai’s hair gently. “You want to have a clean room so you can have friends over.” 

“Rin-senpai is right! And besides, Momo-kun, don’t think I haven’t noticed the pile of dirty socks under your desk! So we should probably go now.”

And they do, and now Rin and Sousuke are alone. They’re alone all the time, they live together, but Sousuke still feels a gentle fluttering in his stomach. Being alone with Rin outside of school feels different, it feels like there _could_ be something more to just their friendship.

The rest of the afternoon is pleasant. Rin and Sousuke walk around town, stopping at a few shops. They pass the local bookstore and they duck in so Rin can look for a book (which he claims is not a romance novel). While he’s waiting on Rin, Sousuke wanders into the stationary section. He’s not particularly looking for anything, but a packet of greeting cards with cartoon ducks on them catches his eye.

“What’d you find?” Rin asks. Sousuke jumps slightly; he hadn’t noticed Rin coming up behind him. 

“Just these cards,” Sousuke picks them up to show Rin. “I saw them and thought of Ai.” Rin chuckles appreciatively. 

“See anything for Momo?” Rin asks. They browse the shelf some more and Rin finds sticky notes with a forest illustration. There doesn’t seem to be anything with beetles, or otters, his two favorite creatures.

“Why do we even have to get Momo anything, anyway?” Sousuke asks as he grabs the book and sticky notes from Rin at the checkout counter. 

“I was going to pay for that, you know,” Rin protests.

“Well, now you’re not. Don’t say that I never do anything for you,” Sousuke retorts. “And I won’t even make fun of your book.”

“Gee, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me,” Rin deadpans. “Well, we have to get something for Momo because you know he’ll whine if we don’t.”

“He’s not five, Rin,” Sousuke rolls his eyes.

Rin laughs. “It’s like we went on vacation and had to get a present for both of our kids,” he jokes.

Sousuke definitely does not give his heart permission to leap at the implication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short! Don't worry, the next chapter is much longer. And it's where things start to hurt! (¬‿¬)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad news for Rin could be good news for Sousuke...

It’s getting colder out, but Ai keeps insisting on “team outings” at various places in town. A few other teammates join them, but it’s still mostly Rin and Sousuke being dragged around by Ai and sometimes Momo. Sousuke definitely doesn’t mind, since he gets to hang out with Rin (and Ai is actually pretty good at giving them reasons to be close to each other) and he’s pretty sure Rin hasn’t noticed yet.

One particular outing happens on a Sunday evening. Ai heard that the trees in the park would be lit up for an art installation this weekend, so he insists on heading over around sunset. Sousuke’s almost hoping that Rin will forget his hat, or gloves, or something, so that Sousuke can valiantly volunteer his. To his dismay, Rin is bundled up, prepared to be outdoors to watch the lights.

Sousuke has to admit that it’s a beautiful sight; trees glittering with multicolored lights and artificial flowers. Rin sighs appreciatively. He’s so focused on Rin, it takes a few seconds before he notices that Ai is is beside him, shaking.

“Ai?” Sousuke asks. “Are you okay?”

“Oh yes, I’m fine,” Ai asnwers, teeth chattering, not believable in the slightest. “I just forgot to bring a hat.”

Sousuke mumbles something about needing to take better care of himself, but sweeps his own beanie off his head and shoves it on Ai’s head. It’s so big it covers Ai’s entire head when pulled all the way down.

“Thanks, Sousuke-senpai!” Ai says, his voice muffled by the hat. Rin and Sousuke laugh, and Sousuke helps him fold the brim up so it looks less ridiculous.

“Hey…is that Tachibana-san and Nanase-san?” Ai points, his vision finally unobstructed.

“That definitely looks like Makoto,” Rin observes. “I bet Nagisa and Rei are here, too.” It’s dark, so it’s hard to tell for sure, even with the trees giving off some light. They walk over to the two shadows that are definitely Makoto and Haru.

When they get closer, they see that Makoto has his arm around Haru. Ai and Sousuke glance at each other, nervously waiting for Rin’s reaction. Neither of them know Haru very well, but they still know that if Haru is letting someone else touch him without protest, it means something. For all they can see, Rin doesn’t seem alarmed.

“Yo,” he calls. Makoto and Haru turn around. Makoto smiles, as always, and Haru just stares, as always.

“Rin, Sousuke, Nitori-kun, it’s nice to see you!” Makoto greets. Haru inclines his head slightly.

“Tachibana-san, Nanase-san, hello!” Ai greets. “How are you?”

“We’re doing well, we were just out for dinner!” Makoto answers.

“On a date,” Haru adds. Makoto blushes. Sousuke and Ai both glance at Rin. To his credit, he looks calm and even manages a look of surprise.

“A date? Congratulations! How long has this been going on?” Rin’s enthusiasm seems forced. Sousuke would like to think it’s only because he’s known Rin so long that he can tell something is off.

“Oh, thank you! It’s just been a few weeks,” Makoto answers. “Would you like to join us for some coffee? We were about to step inside a cafe to warm up.”

“Sorry, I left my wallet in my room,” Rin says. “But Ai, Sousuke, you go ahead. I should really be going. See you later,” Rin’s excuse is flimsy, but neither Ai nor Sousuke is going to question him when he’s obviously just trying to get away. He waves tensely and heads back in the direction of Samezuka.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Makoto says. “But we would love it it both of you joined us!” Haru’s expression says otherwise. Maybe that’s part of the reason Sousuke accepts.

Across the street is a small cafe, where all four teens order a warm drink.

“Have you ever been here before?” Makoto asks. “It’s so close to your school!”

“I’ve never even heard of this place,” Ai answers. “But I like the decorations.”

Makoto nods in agreement. “Yeah, it reminds me of a cat cafe I saw pictures of in Tokyo.”

“Oh, you’re interested in cate cafes?” Ai asks excitedly.

“Yes!” Makoto exclaims happily. “I’m hoping to go to one when I visit my university over winter break.”

While Ai and Makoto talk about animal-themed cafes they’ve heard of, Sousuke’s mind wanders to Haru. Not much seems to have changed; he’s still quiet and generally uninterested in everything going on around him, except his tea. Sousuke doesn’t mind his personality as much anymore, but he still doesn’t understand what Rin sees in him.

Sousuke gets distracted by Ai giggling over some video Makoto is showing him. When he turns to look at what they’re watching, he distinctly feels something small hit the back of his neck. He turns around and Haru is pointedly looking at the wall.

“May I help you, Haru,” It’s not a question and Sousuke doesn’t phrase it like one.

“No, I’m fine,” Haru says blandly. Makoto looks at both of them and smiles.

“Haru just wanted to strike up a conversation with you but wasn’t sure what to say,” Makoto explains. Haru shoots him a sour look, a sure indication Makoto’s right. Makoto doesn’t seem bothered by his expression and returns to exchanging animal videos with Ai.

“So,” Sousuke starts. He might not be juvenile enough to throw napkin pieces at other people, but he’s just as bad at small talk as Haru. “How’s. Uh. Practice?”

Haru sighs in a pained way. “The swim club has been busy lately, so we can only go once or twice a week.”

“Oh,” Sousuke answers brilliantly. Having an indoor pool has its advantages, even if he can’t exactly use it in his state. “That sucks.” Haru nods and drains the rest of his tea.

Even if Sousuke felt like he and Haru don’t have a lot in common, it turns out that they both hate small talk. They’re both content to watch Makoto and Ai until everyone’s drinks are finished.

“Ah…it’s getting late,” Makoto says. He gets out of his seat and stretches. “We should probably be getting home.” It’s a very polite way of letting Sousuke and Ai know that he doesn’t want a third and fourth wheel for the rest of his date.

“We should get going too!” Ai says. “Tachibana-san, Nanase-san, it was nice to see you!” Makoto returns the sentiment and Haru waves as they leave.

Sousuke realizes he’s alone with Ai. Well, alone as you can get in a public place, but considering he was planning on having Rin with him as well…

“We really should go,” Sousuke states. He picks up his and Ai’s empty mugs and brings them to the tray on the counter. Ai’s fidgeting slightly as he stands.

“Do you think Rin-senpai is okay?” Ai asks. Sousuke considers it. He looked like he was taking it well, but then again he bolted out before they could ask him.

But they both somehow know Rin is going to be upset, so Ai orders an extra to-go latte to soften the blow of seeing your crush with his boyfriend. Neither speaks much on the way back to school. _What do you say in a situation like this?_ Sousuke wonders. ‘Sucks to be Rin’ doesn’t seem like a good conversation starter, so he stays quiet. On the other hand, Ai usually chatters to cover his nervousness; his silence is a little unusual.

When they reach the dorm building, Ai is holding a hot cup so Sousuke automatically goes to open the door for him.

“I was a little worried that Rin-senpai really did forget his wallet,” Ai speaks for the first time in a while. “And he’d be stuck outside until we returned. I felt bad for staying.” So did Sousuke, but for different reasons.

“Even if he forgot his ID, I’m sure someone else would have come by to let him in,” Sousuke reassures him. Ai nods noncommittally. Sousuke suddenly feels a wave of dread- is Rin going to be upset? Is Rin even going to be in the room?

“Do you want to bring this to him alone?” Ai asks, holding up the cup of coffee. “I can go back to my room, if you’d prefer.”

Sousuke thinks about this as he searches for his key. “No,” he says. “You’re better at this than I am.”

“‘This’?” Ai asks.

“You know…the whole ‘being nice’ thing. You’re better at that,” Sousuke responds.

Ai shoots him a calculating look. “You know, you’re better at being nice than you think,” he says quietly. Still, Sousuke would rather have Ai with him if Rin is going to need consoling. Sousuke unlocks the door and walks in, followed by Ai.

Well, Rin is there.

Both Ai and Sousuke stop just inside the doorway. Rin is sitting on his bed, his arms wrapped around his legs and his head buried in his knees. He looks like he’s trying to make himself as small as possible. Rin looks up at the sound of the door closing, and the agony on his face…

Sousuke doesn’t speak. Ai doesn’t speak. Rin doesn’t speak either; every time his mouth opens it sounds like he’s choking. Sousuke and Ai stand there, watching their friend collapse in on himself. Ai’s mouth begins to turn down at the corners, as if he’s about to cry himself. Sousuke feels his heart clench; he hasn’t seen Rin cry like this since Regionals. Of course that particular incident was Sousuke’s fault, but again he finds himself willing to do just about anything to make Rin happy again.

Ai reaches forward, then seems to change his mind. He grabs for Sousuke’s elbow and squeezes it lightly. When Sousuke looks at him, smiles sadly and nods his head towards Rin. He then silently backs away, leaves the coffee on the desk closest to him, and closes the door behind him, leaving Sousuke with Rin. It’s a sign.

“Rin,” Sousuke says gently. He gingerly sits down next to Rin.

Rin doesn’t respond. He throws himself into Sousuke’s chest and continues to cry earnestly. Sousuke slowly lifts his hand, and after a slight hesitation, begins to stroke Rin’s back. Rin sighs, or at least Sousuke thinks it’s supposed to be a sigh even though it sounds more like a dry heave.

“Rin,” Sousuke begins again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Rin eventually chokes out. Sousuke knows he’ll talk when he’s ready. Sure enough, a few minutes later, Rin coughs again. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. It’s always been so obvious. Ever since we were kids. I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming.” The pitch of Rin’s voice keeps fluctuating; it’s obvious he’s struggling to talk at all.

“Come on,” Sousuke says as soothingly as he can. “Just because you’re friends with someone for a long time doesn’t mean you’re going to fall in love with them.” Sousuke almost feels like he should be crossing his fingers behind his back. He’s not exactly lying; not _everyone_ falls in love with their childhood best friend. It just so happens that he has.

Rin doesn’t say anything in response. His crying has almost stopped but Sousuke is still gently rubbing his arm. Even though Rin was the one upset, Sousuke finds it calming; sitting on Rin’s bunk, nestled together like this. His heart still hurts for Rin, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it.

Eventually, Rin’s crying slows to just sniffles. He finally notices the to-go cup on the desk.

“What’s that?” he asks, standing up to search for his tissue box.

“Oh yeah. We brought you a latte. It’s probably cold now though,” Sousuke answers. Rin takes a sip and hums appreciatively. 

“No, it’s fine,” Rin says. He finds his tissue box and blows his nose loudly.

“Gross,” Sousuke teases. He’s hit by a balled-up tissue.

“Shut up,” Rin says. His eyes are puffy and his face is red, but he’s at least kind of smiling now. “Anyway. I’m going to wash my face and then I’m going to bed.”

“It’s 8 pm,” Sousuke raises an eyebrow. “Are you seriously ready to go to bed?”

“Maybe I’ll lie in bed and read, then,” Rin says as he gathers his bath kit.

“Fine,” Sousuke stands up. “I need to shower anyway.” He gathers his own stuff and walks down the hallway to the communal bathroom with Rin. There’s no one else inside, so Sousuke heads toward his favorite shower stall when Rin grabs his hand. Sousuke jumps from surprise.

“Sousuke,” he says hesitantly. “Thanks. For. You know…listening. And being there.”

“Yeah,” Sousuke breathes. “Yeah. Of course.”

“And…it’d be nice to not talk about this anymore,” Rin scratches his neck like he does when he’s nervous.

“Sure. No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I have a single story where Rin is involved and I don't make him hurt. Sorry buddy!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke's gonna be super smooth to impress Rin...But no, not really.

Sousuke upholds his word and doesn’t mention Sunday evening at all over the next few days. Overall, Rin seems a lot better after the initial shock wears off. But Sousuke still catches him staring off into space occasionally when he should be doing his homework. Even at swim practice, he seems kind of distant; only Sousuke and Ai seem to pick up on it, possibly because they’re the only ones who know he’s upset about something.

In fact, the whole week after the incident, Sousuke thinks Rin is a little off. He doesn’t comment on it because he knows Rin doesn’t want him to, but he definitely wouldn’t mind holding Rin like that again (even if the wet spot Rin left on his shirt was kind of gross).

The week after feels closer to normal, and Rin seems more spirited. He hosts a particularly grueling practice session in the pool, and Sousuke’s a little glad he can’t participate. He does his best to supervise everyone else, and correct any bad form when he can. _It’s pretty much the only thing I can do_ , he thinks. Negative thinking isn’t going to help anything, and he knows that, but he can’t help it when _this isn’t what I was meant to do_ flits across his mind.

At least Sousuke feels like he can be productive when he’s helping out. He finds himself hanging out a lot around Ai and Momo’s lane. Maybe it’s leftover from his time coaching the underclassman after hours, but he enjoys watching Ai improve (even if it means having to deal with Momo too).

After Ai completes an especially good lap, he starts a cool-down lap before heading back to Sousuke. Without thinking, Sousuke reaches down with his good arm and helps Ai out of the pool. Rin comes over to them, fresh off his own lap.

“So, how’s he doing?” Rin asks, leaning on Sousuke’s shoulder even though Sousuke’s too tall and Rin is actually leaning up (Sousuke’s not going to say anything, he doesn’t mind).

“A personal best,” Sousuke shows Rin the stopwatch but looks directly at Ai. Ai blushes and squirms when Rin ruffles his hair.

“Rin-senpai…” Ai protests.

“Seriously, Ai, that’s great!” Rin praises. “You’ve come a long way.” Even Sousuke feels a rush of pride for Ai. He really has come into his own since the beginning for the year. Only now, he and Ai aren’t exactly teammates; Sousuke can’t help thinking about how when he first started coaching Ai it was so that they could both be in the relay.

After practice ends, Sousuke waits for Ai to shower and change; he realizes he never complimented Ai for beating his best. Sousuke is sitting in the locker room and Ai emerges from the showers. Sousuke’s about to compliment him, but Ai speaks first.

“Sousuke-senpai, are you ready to go get dinner?” Ai asks. “I already asked Rin-senpai and he wants to go also.”

“Uh, sure,” Sousuke says. “Listen…”

“Hey! I’m starving!” This time it’s Rin who interrupts him. Rin’s hair is still wet and it’s definitely  good look for him.

“Put a hat on, you’ll get sick,” is all Sousuke manages to say. Rin punches him lightly, but grabs a knit beanie all the same. “Alright, let’s go,” Sousuke says. Ai and Rin grab their bags to leave and Sousuke follows. They approach the cafeteria building with Rin and Sousuke walking side by side and Ai leading. Suddenly, Ai stops.

“Oh no!” Ai gasps dramatically. “I forgot my ID card!”

“Do you want us to go with you to go get it?” Rin asks.

“No, that’s okay,” Ai sighs. “I’ll just call Momo to let me in the building.”

“If you say so,” Rin says. “Want us to wait for you inside?”

Sousuke can’t help but notice that Ai’s acting shifty. “Seriously, it’s fine! Have a good meal!” Ai says as he runs off.

“Ah, that kid,” Rin sighs. “Well, dinner!”

They both grab a meal and Rin eats with gusto; Sousuke didn’t spend two hours in the pool to work up his appetite. For some reason, he can’t stop thinking about how much progress Ai has made, in both his swimming and his confidence.

“Oh, and by the way…” Rin breaks Sousuke out of his thoughts. “I think it’s great how much you’ve helped Ai.”

Sousuke thinks about Rin’s praise for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

It’s almost a relief when Rin announces that Wednesday’s practice will be a cardio day. Even if he doesn’t love running in near-freezing temperatures, at least it’s something he can _do_. Rin outlines the route they’ll take through campus and then elbows Sousuke and tells him to follow closely so he doesn’t get lost. Sousuke elbows back and only feels a little bit bad when Rin whines in pain.

The team advisor notes the group’s start time and everyone leaves. The run starts out pretty well- Sousuke stays close to Rin, definitely not because he’s afraid of getting lost, but because Rin leads the group and always sets a good pace. The path they take is a little slick because of some recent rain, and Sousuke takes care to not lose his balance.

Momo, on the other hand, isn’t as lucky. He slips on a wet patch and rolls, then whines dramatically.

“Ugh, I should check and make sure he’s okay,” Rin groans. “Will you be okay leading for a bit? I’ll catch up.”

“…Sure,” Sousuke isn’t sure, but Rin does have a duty as captain, so he doesn’t argue. He does, however, slow down enough so that he’s even with Minami, so that he’s not going to be the one responsible for getting the team lost.

Lucky for him, a few minutes later, Rin rejoins him. “Ai said he’d walk Momo to the nurse. Faker,” Rin complains. Sousuke’s not really going to admit that he’s too winded to respond, so he just huffs.

When Sousuke and Rin lead the team back to the natatorium, Ai’s waiting outside.

“Hey,” Rin greets. “How’s Momo?”

“Oh, he’s fine!” Ai says. “The nurse just gave him some ice and sent him back to his room. But I just got back so I figured it would be too late to run with everyone.”

The rest of the team begins to turn up at the natatorium, out of breath. Rin stays outside, making note of everyone’s end time. Sousuke stays outside with him, impressed when Rin praises even the last team members when they finish.

Finally, they head in together. Sousuke regrets misjudging how far away one of the steps on an outdoor staircase was, because now he has a slight twinge in his ankle. Sousuke and Rin are just out of the shower and beginning to get dressed when Ai walks up to Sousuke, changed into his normal clothes as well.

“Sousuke-senpai, you made excellent time today!” Ai praises brightly. He doesn’t seem bothered when Sousuke only continues to drink from his water bottle. “The path through school isn’t easy to run when it’s icy. And-”

Sousuke quirks his eyebrow at Ai as he continues to ramble while he changes clothes. And who knows what it is, since it certainly can’t be Ai’s words causing it, but suddenly he’s pissed. Maybe it’s the ache in his ankle, maybe it’s a little embarrassing to listen to Ai go on and on about how great he is in front of Rin (seriously, why is he doing this in front of Rin?), or maybe it’s that he’s hungry.

“-was just great, so-“

“Shut up,” Sousuke growls. It wasn’t even a shout, but Ai does. Immediately. “Everyone on the damn team ran today. Why are you acting like this?”

Ai’s speechless, but it’s not like Sousuke wanted him to answer. “You’re almost a third year. No underclassmen will look up to you if you keep fawning over anyone who can put one foot in front of the other.” Ai looks like he’s been slapped. His face is completely still.

Unsurprisingly, several nearby members of the team went eerily quiet at the sound of Sousuke’s voice. He’s acutely aware of everyone silently pretending to go about their business.

And then there’s Rin.

Rin, the guy he just _might_ have a chance with now that Haru’s taken; Rin, who lived with Ai for an entire year; Rin, who always believed Ai would make the relay team, even when Sousuke himself didn’t.

But Rin is staring at him now as if he can’t decide how to react. But he’s saved the trouble of reacting when Sousuke sighs and takes his gym bag out of his locker. He doesn’t even care that he’s wearing about half of his running gear, he just knows he has to get out of there before the tears start (or yelling, depending on how fast Rin gets his thoughts in order). Wordlessly he leaves the room.

Taking it out on Ai didn’t make him feel any better.

 

* * *

 

Lying on his bed and listening to music, Sousuke can’t stop thinking about what happened. The way Ai’s animated demeanor stopped so abruptly. The way the smile on Ai’s face slowly faded into blankness. The way everyone on the team was listening. He knows he can be a jerk, but he still can’t explain why exploded at Ai, of all people.

Footsteps in the hall bring Sousuke out of his thoughts. He knows who it is, even before he hears the key turning in the lock. He knows he deserves whatever is coming to him. Rin opens the door and takes off his heavy coat while Sousuke braces himself for what’s to come.

But Rin doesn’t yell. He keeps his back turned to Sousuke for the longest time, making a big show of putting his coat on the back of his desk chair and putting his scarf and hat away in the closet. When he finally turns around, all he does is stare at Sousuke, but this time his expression is clear: he’s disappointed.

It’s worse than yelling, that’s for sure.

Sousuke pretends to stare at the ceiling for a while, but he can still see Rin looking at him in his peripheral vision.

_Let’s just get this over with_ , he thinks. He lets out an audible sigh, knowing it will goad Rin into action. Sure enough...

“What the hell was that,” Rin asks in an even tone. It’s not Rin’s sad voice, it’s not Rin’s slowly-getting-himself-all-riled-up voice. He sounds completely blank.

Sousuke sighs again and stares at the ceiling. “I don’t know.”

“Bullshit,” Rin says simply. Still not yelling. “I really need to know. What the hell was that?” Rin’s speaking in the tone of voice you would use when talking to a child in trouble; neutral and calm, but clearly forced.

“I just. I had a bad day, alright?”

“Bullshit,” Rin repeats. “But yeah, I can see how someone complimenting you would make you feel worse.” _There’s the sarcasm_ , Sousuke knows that Rin is building himself up into a fit.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Sousuke mumbles.

“Sit up and look at me, asshole,” Rin snaps. Sousuke does. “You had no right to talk to Ai that way. He’s never done a mean thing in his life, and you tear him down just because you feel like it? That was awful.” Now he sounds angry. Sousuke lets him rant, because Sousuke knows all this, and Rin knows that he knows. He doesn’t respond, knowing he deserves this.

“But here’s what I don’t get. More than anything, is that you and Ai have always gotten along really well,” Rin’s not yelling anymore. He sounds clueless again, defeated. “Ai has always admired you, even before you helped him train. I know most of you hanging out with him has probably been because of me, but you never made fun of him like some of the other guys did. He’s always respected you.

“I thought you did the same,” Rin’s final words strike Sousuke right in the chest. He feels a tightness in his stomach that has nothing to do with his long-forgotten hunger. Rin slips into his bunk and doesn’t look at Sousuke the rest of the evening.

Rin doesn’t speak to him again until right before bed. “Fix this,” he says, and Sousuke immediately knows what he means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOPS


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke makes things right.

The next morning, Rin leaves the room without even a glance at Sousuke. They’re going to be in class together all day, and swim practice in the afternoon, so Sousuke doesn’t know how Rin’s going to keep it up. Part of him feels like he deserves it, and part of him wishes he could ask Rin for advice.

Sousuke wants to fix things with Ai, he really does. But it’s like he can see the future: he apologizes to Ai, Ai puts on an overly bright smile and tells him it’s okay, and then walks on eggshells around him until he graduates. If everything doesn’t go exactly right, Ai’s going to be nervous around him forever. Sure, he’ll be bright and chirpy, but there will be fear lurking beneath the surface, because why wouldn’t you be afraid of someone who uses your friendliness against you?

No, Sousuke has to do things exactly right.

 

* * *

 

Rin’s still avoiding him during class, but it’s not like they can really talk then anyway. Lunch is a different story; Rin still sits with him like normal, but he’s pointedly not looking at him.

“I’m going to talk to him after practice,” Sousuke says. Rin viciously stabs his lunch with his chopsticks. “I’m serious, I’m going to make things okay.”

Rin grunts. “You better,” he mumbles. “What’s your plan?”

“I’m going to bring him those notecards I bought the other day but forgot to give him,” Sousuke says. He’s been thinking about this constantly since last night, so he already has some ideas. “And then I’m going to apologize.”

“Okay…but what are you going to say?” Rin asks.

Didn’t he already tell him? “You know. That I’m sorry. And that he didn’t deserve it.”

“And…?” Rin prods.

“And…that he’s really nice?” Sousuke’s at a loss.

Rin sighs in exasperation. “I hope he kicks you. You know damn well that if you go to him with some generic apology that he’s never going to forgive you. I mean, he’ll act like he’s okay but he really won’t be.”

“Of course I know that,” Sousuke groans. “But I think I’ll come up with it in the moment.”

“Okay...” Rin doesn’t sound very confident. “Look…last year, when Ai was my roommate, I wasn’t…very nice. At first. Things eventually got better. But I know how he is. Even when I wasn’t being an asshole, I felt like he was constantly worried about setting me off. I just…don’t want him to feel that way around you too.”

 

* * *

 

Practice that afternoon is awkward. Ai is there; Sousuke was half-worried he would skip. But he’s staying as far away from Sousuke as physically possible. Then again, a lot of the other guys don’t seem too keen to be around Sousuke, either. Even Rin keeps glaring at him. He doesn’t bother trying to help coach today.

When practice ends, he stays by the door leading directly outside. “Don’t let Ai leave before I can find him,” Sousuke whispers to Rin, who grudgingly nods.

“Don’t be a dick,” Rin reminds him.

Eventually, Ai comes through the door. Sousuke’s not sure if Rin had to guide him to that particular door, but he figures it doesn’t matter. And either Ai doesn’t see him or is purposely avoiding looking anywhere but straight ahead. It’s now or never.

“Ai,” Sousuke calls. Ai turns around. For once, his face doesn’t break into a bright smile; he regards Sousuke blankly. “I…wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Ai says simply. He turns to face Sousuke. He definitely doesn’t seem interested in making this easier.

“I meant somewhere private,” Sousuke continues. “Can we go to my room?”

“Okay,” he says again. He starts walking in the direction of their building without waiting for Sousuke. The walk back to the dorm is uneasy. Last time they were alone together, things were tense because of Rin.

Finally back inside the building, Sousuke opens the door to his room. Ai walks in and stands in the middle, just looking at the floor. Sousuke takes a deep breath.

“Look, Ai,” he starts. “I need to apologize. I had no right to say that to you, and I really have no excuse for my behavior. I’m very sorry.” Sousuke bows deeply, and Ai smiles, but Sousuke can tell it’s brittle and fake. Ai’s surprisingly easy to read for someone who smiles all the time.

“Thank you, Sousuke-senpai,” Ai says. “It’s alright…”

Sousuke knew he’d do this. “No, it’s not,” he clenches his teeth and focuses himself. He thinks about what Rin said earlier, and knows he has to somehow make Ai understand. “Please sit down,” he gestures to a desk chair. Surprisingly, Ai does. Sousuke chooses to sit on top of the desk, gripping the edge tightly.

“When I started coaching you, late at night, I didn’t do it because I wanted you to be a part of the relay,” Ai crinkles his nose, not sure if he sees where this is going. “I did it because I didn’t want you to hurt yourself. I knew that if you kept on going the way you did, it would only make things worse. I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Every day, I regret not training smarter. I didn’t want that to happen to you.

“I guess…I’m trying to say that I saw myself in you,” Sousuke continues. Ai’s eyes widen in surprise. “I saw that you had potential to improve, but also the potential to wreck yourself. And the fact that you cared so much about what Rin thought…well, you know how I feel on that matter.” Sousuke has to stop, to steady himself. Even months later, talking about his stupidity is difficult. “What I’m trying to say is that you mean a lot to me. Not just because you’re Rin’s friend.

“But because I can maybe relate to you in a way that he can’t.”

Ai looks stunned again. His mouth is wide open and his eyes are wide. Sousuke finds it kind of cute.

“Do you mean that?” Ai breathes.

“I don’t say things if I don’t mean them,” Sousuke says, a little embarrassed at how much he just revealed.

Instead of saying anything, Ai leaps out of his chair and hugs Sousuke. Surprised at first, it takes Sousuke a second to register that he should return the hug. He wraps his arms around Ai, and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his back.

“Thank you, Sousuke-senpai,” Ai’s sniffling again, but when he speaks he sounds happy. Sousuke suddenly remembers something.

“Oh, yeah…” he reaches into his desk and fishes out the duck cards. “I got these for you the other day.”

Ai gasps. “Really?”

“Yeah…it was before I had anything to apologize for, so it’s not for that. I just saw them and thought of you.”

Sousuke can’t place the emotion on Ai’s face. It’s somewhere between shock, joy, and something else. Ai hugs him again. “I love them!”

Sousuke smiles. Maybe things will start to go back to normal.

 

* * *

 

“Did he kick you?” Rin asks when he comes back to the room.

“No,” Sousuke responds.

“Can I?” Sousuke throws his hat at Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short update, and my last one before starting work again. My goal is to keep posting every few days, but we'll see. Also, who else loves Rin being really protective of Ai?????


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke and Rin have lunch together and shop for their sick children. Then, Sousuke reconsiders all of his life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this took me forever to write because I can't emotions. what even are feelings.

Things mostly go back to normal after Sousuke apologizes. At practice on Friday, the rest of the team is hesitant around Sousuke until they see that he and Ai are on good terms again. Sousuke helps Momo with his pacing and another first-year with his dive. It turns out to be a good day; Sousuke feels glad to have Ai talking to him as they leave the natatorium. 

“Where do you want to go to lunch tomorrow?” Sousuke asks Ai.

“Oh! Nagisa-kun told me about a sushi place we should try,” Ai says enthusiastically. “I’ll tell Momo. Don’t forget to tell Rin-senpai.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Sousuke wakes hungry. As he and Rin get ready to leave, Rin’s phone beeps with a text message.

“Looks like Ai and Momo are both sick,” he informs Sousuke. “Ai just told me to go without them.”

“That’s too bad,” Sousuke says. It’s not though, because now he gets to have lunch alone with Rin.

“Yeah,” Rin says, pulling on his jacket. “Let’s stop by their room before we leave, see if they need anything.” Sousuke agrees, and they leave the room.

Rin knocks on Ai and Momo’s door. It feels like eighty years before they hear footsteps from inside. Eventually, the door opens to reveal Ai, looking feverish and miserable. He’s still wearing an oversized sleep shirt and his hair is sticking up in the back.

“Oh, Rin-senpai, did you get my message?” Ai says, sounding congested. “Momo and I both have a cold.” Momo groans quietly at the sound of his name.

“Yeah, I did, we were just checking on you before we leave,” Rin says. “Need any medicine?”

“Oh…yeah, that would be good,” it’s a measure of how bad Ai must feel if he accepts without protest.

“Alright, we’ll be back in a few hours,” Rin says. “Feel better.” Ai nods and closes the door.

 

* * *

 

Despite being excited for going out to lunch with Rin, Sousuke is surprised to find that he misses Ai’s chatter. He and Rin are comfortable together, but Ai is definitely a better conversationalist- he’s always talking and he’s good at finding ways to bring Sousuke into the conversation.

Still, it’s a pleasant but quiet lunch. Rin even offers Sousuke a piece of sushi directly from his chopsticks and Sousuke thanks his lucky stars that he manages not to choke.

On the way back to school, they find a drug store and look for cold medicine. Sousuke also grabs a few drinks with electrolytes and some protein bars. “Good thinking,” Rin says. Rin snatches everything out of Sousuke’s hands as they approach the front of the shop.

“You paid for the stuff last time,” Rin says before Sousuke can protest. “Plus, this makes me the one who saves the day and you’re just the guy who carries everything.” Sousuke snorts.

“Fine, fine,” Sousuke says. They begin to head back to school, chatting about the odds of the rest of the swim team catching the same cold Ai and Momo have. As they reach the dorm, Rin’s phone rings.

“It’s Gou. Mind if i take this?” Rin says.

“Sure. I’ll go ahead and take the stuff.” Rin nods and answers his phone.

Sousuke walks to Ai and Momo’s room. When he knocks, there’s no response. He waits for a few minutes, then tries the doorknob. It’s unlocked, so he enters.

Ai and Momo both appear to be sound asleep, snoring. Sousuke briefly considers taking Momo’s pillow and hiding it but decides against it. He leaves the bag from the drug store on Ai’s desk (which is actually much cleaner than usual). There’s a block of sticky notes, so Sousuke takes one and writes a note.

_This is for both of you. Get well soon. -Sousuke_

He shuts the door quietly.

 

* * *

 

Both Momo and Ai are absent from practice for the next two days. Since Sousuke tended to spend most of his practice time watching Ai, he finds that he has a lot more free time during practice than usual. It sounds nicer, but in reality it makes things pretty boring.

Tuesday after dinner, Sousuke returns to his room. There’s a small envelope addressed to him on his desk in handwriting he doesn’t recognize. He opens it, and finds a familiar notecard: cartoon ducks.

_Sousuke-senpai, thank you so much for the medicine. We are both feeling much better. See you at practice tomorrow! -Nitori Aiichirou_

Rin only gives him a little grief that the card isn’t addressed to both of them.

Then on Wednesday, Ai and Momo return, looking a little pale but otherwise energetic. Rin still cautions them to take it easy. Momo, as usual, doesn’t listen, and dives right in. Ai, on the other hand, takes a few slow laps and then joins Sousuke on the sideline. Ai holds the stopwatch while Sousuke makes notes on his clipboard; he finds he enjoys the extra help.

“Do you think you’ll feel up to lunch this weekend?” Sousuke asks as the rest of the team is wrapping up.

“Definitely!” Ai exclaims. “My appetite is back today. I’m sorry I missed last week…but I bet you had a nice time with Rin.”

“Yeah, I did,” Sousuke says quietly. Ai beams. “But, it was a little lonely without you there.” Sousuke just wanted to remind Ai that he enjoys his company too, so he doesn’t understand why his smile falters.

“That’s very nice of you,” Ai says politely.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Ai wants to go to lunch at the buffet again,” Sousuke tells Rin on Friday night. They’re both working on various assignments for school; Rin at his desk and Sousuke lounging on his bed.

Rin turns around, surprised. “Oh shit, did I not tell you? I’m going home this weekend.”

“No, you did not mention that,” Sousuke looks up from his book.

“Sorry, I guess it slipped my mind,” Rin says. “That’s what Gou called about. It’s going to be our parents’ 18th wedding anniversary, so she asked me to come home to spend some time with mom.”

“Oh. Yeah, you should do that. Tell your mom and Gou I say hi.”

“I will,” Rin says, turning back to his homework. “So is it just going to be the three of you tomorrow?”

“Well, it was Ai’s idea. I don’t know who else he invited,” Sousuke says.

Rin turns around again. “Wait. Were you alone when Ai invited you?” Rin asks quizzically.

“Yeah, why?”

Rin snorts. “Nothing. Hope you have fun on your date.”

His _what_. Sousuke sits up. “What do you think I just said?” Rin gives Sousuke _a look_.

“Dude. He asked you to lunch. It’s just you and him,” Rin explains, eyebrow cocked. “Sounds like a date.”

“Who says Momo, or someone else, won’t be coming?” Sousuke argues, not wanting to believe Rin. He’s also not sure why it matters.

“You know Ai, he would have told you upfront if any one else was coming,” Rin retorts.

“You and I went to lunch alone last week, was that a date?” Sousuke asks indignantly.

“We live together. We are alone, together, literally all the time,” Rin’s chuckling and it’s infuriating. Sousuke is nervous suddenly. Does Rin think the idea of them dating is so unlikely? Now Sousuke’s annoyed, when five minutes ago he was looking forward to tomorrow’s lunch.

Later that night, it takes him a long time to fall asleep. Rin apparently doesn’t see their time together as “dating,” is there any chance he’ll change his mind? But he apparently thinks having lunch with Ai is going to be a date. Does Ai think that?

Sousuke knows that he needs to sleep, but thoughts of last week with Rin keep floating through his head, combining with tonight’s discussion. Rin had a point earlier; they do spend almost all their time together. Still, it’s rare for them to eat lunch without other teammates around and going to a restaurant and eating sushi directly from Rin’s chopsticks was definitely a first. He’s focused so much on Rin lately that he hasn’t stopped to think about where they stand with each other. But if Rin isn’t interested, is it worth trying to confess, to convince him otherwise? Would Rin change his mind, or would he agree to date Sousuke out of pity?

Pity…

Suddenly Sousuke’s thoughts come crashing to a stop. Could Ai be interested in _him_? It would be just like Ai to not ask directly; for all his improvements to his self-esteem this year, he still seems shy around Sousuke. Maybe he thinks that if he asked Sousuke to date him, Sousuke would only agree out of pity. And Sousuke is definitely his type- he’s heard enough horror stories from Rin about living with the boy, and if the magazines he supposedly hid in his desk are any indication, Ai likes sturdy, muscular men. Hell, the very first time they met, Ai was openly admiring Sousuke’s still perfectly-toned swimmer’s body.

So…if tomorrow is a date with Ai, how does he feel about that? Sousuke’s stomach clenches, and he’s surprised to realize that it’s not anxiety. He can’t place how he really feels. He knows that he enjoys Ai’s company. He knows Ai looks up to him. And he knows that there’s something special about Ai’s determination and his tendency to see the best in people, even people who are rough around the edges, such as Rin and even himself. What he doesn’t know is what Ai meant by asking him to lunch and not bringing anyone else- Ai knows about Sousuke’s crush on Rin; hell, he’s been nudging them towards each other for weeks now. But if Rin isn’t interested…

Sousuke’s stomach clenches again. This time, he figures it out.

He’s excited.

Well. That’s new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello new pairing!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke agonizes some more.

Sousuke is calm when he wakes up. For all of thirty seconds. And then he remembers. Today is is lunch with Ai. Alone.

Rin is already gone; him shutting the door must have been what woke Sousuke. Sousuke smothers his face with his pillow; all of this was Rin’s fault, the least he could have done was stick around long enough for Sousuke to throw something at him. It was Rin who put the idea of this being a “date” in his head. If Rin hadn’t said anything, Sousuke never would have even considered it.Today should have just been a nice day out with a friend who he had recently yelled at and then made up with.

There’s still time to spare, and Sousuke eventually oozes down off his bed. He grabs his things and heads to the bathroom, needing a shower.

 

* * *

 

 

Back in his room, Sousuke dresses and gets ready to go. He picks a coat and finds a scarf, but as he’s reaching for a hat he remembers the time he let Ai wear it, and how it covered his entire head. Hesitantly, he grabs for it and shoves it in his jacket pocket. 

The front door to the building was where they always met, and Sousuke’s not especially surprised to see that Ai isn’t there yet. He’s a little early, and Ai usually runs a little late, but it gives him time to lean nonchalantly on the wall just outside the building. It’s cold, but not unbearably so, and gray clouds hang thickly in the sky.

It’s only a few minutes before Ai shows up, apologizing for his tardiness.

“…sorry, Sousuke-senpai! Without Momo-kun to remind me, I lost track of time!”

“It’s fine.” They begin walking, Sousuke consciously keeping his stride to where Ai can keep up. “Where’s Momo?”

“Oh, he went home to see his family,” Ai explains. “Apparently his younger sister has a boyfriend, so he and his brother both wanted to meet the guy.”

“That…sounds about right,” Sousuke chuckles. “Funny that they get protective over their little sister, when…”

“…they act the way they do around Gou-kun, yeah,” Ai laughs too. “They’re both big brothers, so you’d think they’d get it.”

“To be fair, Gou could definitely take Momo down,” Sousuke says. “You know, if the occasion arose.” 

“That’s true,” Ai agrees. “I would never want to get on her bad side.” Sousuke never realized how easy taking to Ai is, but he definitely enjoys the conversation. 

When they reach the restaurant, Sousuke holds the door for Ai without thinking about it. He even pays for Ai’s buffet ticket. “Sousuke-senpai, you don’t have to-“ Ai protests.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sousuke says. He knows that he doesn’t have any real reason to pay for Ai’s lunch, but he chalks it up to some residual guilt after yelling at Ai _that one time that was two weeks ago, you idiot_.

“Well…thank you! I’m starving.” They leave their coats in a vacant booth and head to the line.

Eating with Ai is definitely different than eating with Rin or Momo. Sousuke doesn’t feel like he has to constantly worry about Ai choking on his food, or about getting roped into some sort of eating contest. They eat at a normal pace, occasionally trying food off each other’s plate. Soon, they’re both stuffed. But there’s no rush, so they sit for a little longer, enjoying the warm restaurant and the cushy booth.

“I guess this is the first time it’s been just us on a team lunch,” Sousuke comments.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Ai muses. “When Rin told me he would be at home this weekend, I was a little nervous.

“Nervous? Why?” Sousuke’s never going to admit that he felt the exact same way, but he wants to know Ai’s reasons.

“We really don’t spend time together outside of school,” Ai points out. “And you’re usually focused so much on Rin…” Ai’s blushing slightly, but Sousuke assumes he is as well.

“If it’s any consolation, I really enjoyed today,” Sousuke says. “It’s nice to hang out with just you.” Ai’s blushing harder now. 

“Well hasn’t it been nice, spending time with Rin?” Ai asks.

“Yeah,” Sousuke says. “But I see him plenty.” He rises to leave and Ai does the same. 

“Thank you for the meal,” Ai says again.

“No problem.” And they leave. Sousuke suddenly is very aware of Ai walking next to him, talking excitedly about a movie he just watched.

He’s not paying a ton of attention, just nodding and humming at random points.

“…Sousuke-senpai?” Oh, now it’s time to pay attention. Sousuke grunts in acknowledgement. Ai laughs, not seeming too bothered that he’s having to repeat himself. “Well, I wanted to go to the weight room tonight, but Momo isn’t here to spot me. If you could take some time to come with me, I would really appreciate it…”

“Yeah, sure,” Sousuke agrees. It’s not like he was going to be doing anything of importance on a Saturday night, anyway.

Ai beams regardless. “Great! I’d like to go around 7. I’ll come to your room and get you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, I'm afraid! But I have big plans for the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke goes for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible warning for some brief dubcon, near the end of the chapter. I'm not sure if it really even counts as anything, just warning everyone.

He’d never say it out loud, but Sousuke finds Ai’s working-out faces hilarious. Sousuke has to watch Ai’s face closely for any signs of distress while he’s on the weight bench, and it’s hard to do so without laughing at him. Whenever Ai starts getting tired, he puffs out his cheeks and grunts, sounding and looking about as threatening as a rabbit. Still, Sousuke admires the way Ai keeps pushing himself, always pushing himself to improve.

Ai sits up on the weight bench, tired after several reps of lifting. Sousuke passes him a water bottle and Ai drinks gratefully.

“Sousuke-senpai, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s happening with you and Rin-senpai?” Ai says after catching his breath. The question catches Sousuke off-guard; he knew that Ai noticed his crush but was perfectly content to never talk about it.

“I don’t know,” Sousuke answers. “I don’t think he’s interested.”

Ai gasps. “What makes you say that? He always seems excited to spend time around you!”

“Well, we’re friends. I guess he doesn’t want anything else,” Sousuke admits.

“Wow, Sousuke-senpai. I’m sorry to hear that,” Ai says. Sousuke shrugs. He’s still not sure how he feels, considering he hasn’t had much time to think about it.

“After everything, I’m glad that we’re friends,” Sousuke says. “Maybe it was a bad idea to want more.” He’s glad the weight room is empty; apparently other people have better things to do on a Saturday night than work out.

Ai looks pensive. “Still, you never really know. You should talk to him about it.” And Ai is probably right, especially because Sousuke can’t think of a single reason why he shouldn’t, you know, _actually sit down_ and talk to Rin. And for another unexplainable reason, he just doesn’t want to.

Sousuke realizes he must have been sitting and pondering for a long time when Ai stands up from the weight bench. “I guess I should go shower,” Ai says. “Before going back to my room.” Sousuke nods, noticing that Ai is shifting his weight from foot to foot, looking nervous. He’s not sure why, but he sits and waits for Ai to return.

Why is he even here? If Rin hadn’t put the idea that this outing was a date, would Sousuke still be hanging around Ai? Or would he be sitting in his room, untroubled? Things were almost easier when he just wanted to be with Rin, now he's not sure what he wants.

Ai appears back in the weight room, changed and carrying his gym bag. “Okay, I’m ready to go!” he announces. “Sousuke-senpai, is everything okay?” Ai asks, concerned by the fact that Sousuke is yet again staring into space. Sousuke debates for a second if he should tell Ai what’s going on, but he’s tired of wondering what’s going on.

“Rin said you were asking me on a date,” Sousuke says bluntly. Ai just blushes and looks at the ground, which is extremely incriminating.

“I’m sorry if I mislead you,” Ai mutters.

“Nah,” Sousuke dismisses. “Don’t worry about it. I thought he was messing with me at first. But then I thought about it.”

“And?” Ai asks.

“If it was a date, I guess I didn’t mind,” Sousuke isn’t looking at Ai, but he can hear it when he claps his hands to his mouth in shock. There’s a few minutes of silence, and then Ai breaks it.

“Well…do you want to come with me?” Ai asks, embarrassed at his own daring.

Sousuke does.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s almost a race back to the dorm building; he and Ai half-jogging, giggling as they go. Sousuke’s long legs give him an advantage, and Ai whines when he starts to fall behind. By the time they reach the building, they’re both panting and smiling. Sousuke can feel butterflies in his stomach but he’s trying not to blush. Neither of them have said it, but Sousuke knows this isn’t just a chance to hang out with a friend.

Inside the building they walk much slower, and then Ai opens his door. It’s suspiciously clean inside, and Sousuke’s certain it wasn’t this clean when he dropped off the medicine the week before. Ai shyly sits down on the bed, and Sousuke goes to sit next to him without even being asked. Ai puts a hand on Sousuke’s thigh and Sousuke almost has a heart attack, right then and there. Ai looks away as if he’d not really sure what to do. Sousuke reaches out to grab Ai’s chin and tilts his head up. Sousuke stares into his soft blue eyes and then a second later, he kisses him. It’s a second before Ai reacts, before he starts moving his lips against Sousuke’s.

Sousuke can’t believe they’re really doing this. Sousuke slides off his shirt, glad he didn’t wear his shoulder brace today, and Ai follows. Ai lies down on his side and Sousuke slides in next to him. The bed is small; for a few minutes they can only look at each other, only a few breaths away from touching. Ai reaches out to stroke Sousuke’s arm with a shaky hand and a bomb goes off inside of Sousuke. He moves so that he’s on top of Ai, knees on either side of his legs, and begins to kiss at Ai’s neck, right below his ear. He feels an unsteady hand stroking his back, though it feels more like Ai’s petting him. A sharp intake of breath encourages Sousuke, so he starts trailing kisses down to Ai’s collarbone. He feels fingers curl into his back and Ai whimpers.

He smirks, and pushes himself back so he can see Ai. Only when he does, he sees that Ai’s expression seems off. Arousal can show itself in many ways, but Sousuke is pretty sure that “eyes shut tight, teeth clenched” is not one of those ways.

“…Ai? You okay?” Sousuke asks. Ai looks up at him and puts on a smile.

“Of course, Souske-senpai,”Ai says. “You can continue.”

“But are you enjoying this at all?” Sousuke continues, not at all reassured.

“Don’t worry about me, of course I am,” Ai says as he grabs Sousuke’s shoulder and tries to drag him closer.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Sousuke says, removing Ai’s hand from his shoulder.

“No, Sousuke-senpai, I’m fine. I really want to do this,” Ai protests. His voice wavers as if he’s about to cry, making it much harder for Sousuke to believe him.

“Ai, it’s not a big deal. We don’t have to rush into this,” Sousuke reassures him. Ai puts his face in his hands and rolls over, away from him. Comforting is still not something Sousuke feels skilled at, but he knows he has to do something. He reaches out and strokes Ai’s back, but is surprised when Ai recoils from his touch.

“Ai…” Sousuke murmurs. He expected Ai to be relieved with the pressure off, but this doesn’t look like relief. “Talk to me?” Back still turned, Ai shakes his head furiously. “Do you want me to stay?” Ai nods his head and Sousuke’s stomach drops. “Okay. Well. I really don’t want to leave now…where are your tissues?” Ai wordlessly points at a bookshelf, keeping his other hand over his eyes.

Sousuke gets up and brings them back to Ai. Ai takes one without looking and blows his nose. Sousuke thinks back to a few weeks ago, when he was watching Rin sob over someone he had feelings for, only he doesn’t feel like he can tease Ai like he did with Rin.

“I still don’t want to leave until I know you’re okay,” Sousuke takes the used tissue from Ai and tosses it into the trash can. Ai opens his mouth. “And don’t tell me that you’re okay.”

Ai gives him a watery smile before he resumes crying. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” he says over and over.

“Don’t be sorry,” Sousuke says as gently as he can. “I just want to know how to make things right. I wouldn’t have started anything tonight if I had known this would happen. So I guess I’m the one who’s sorry.”

After a few minutes, Ai finally calms himself down enough to respond. “It’s okay,” he says miserably. “I know you don’t really want to be with me.”

Sousuke is shocked. He definitely wants to be with Ai. At least, he’s pretty sure he does. He’s given it almost twenty-four hours of thought. He strokes Ai’s hair as the two lay in silence.

At some point, Ai drifts off to sleep, probably tired from crying. Souske’s too caught up in his own thoughts to really notice until Ai lets out a quiet snore. Carefully, Sousuke climbs over Ai’s form and reaches the other side of the bed. He looks at Ai, sleeping, for a second before he grabs the blanket that got pushed to the foot of the bed and lays it on top of Ai. Ai automatically grabs it and pulls it up to his chin; now his toes are completely uncovered. Sousuke smiles fondly. He grabs Ai’s hand, softly, and holds it for a minute before turning out the lights and leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who's worse at feelings, Ai or Sousuke?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to make things right! (...again)

If practice after his fight with Ai was awkward, practice on Monday is a whole new level of awkward. Then, it was the other team members avoiding him; this time, Ai is practically leaping to the other side of the pool every time Sousuke comes near. He’s almost acting like Momo, swimming recklessly and shouting every few minutes.

Everyone on the team notices. How could they not, with Ai shouting excitedly across the pool? This time, however, no one knows that it’s Sousuke’s fault.

Well, except for Rin.

“I don’t know what you did this time, but fix it,” Rin grumbles. Rin jerks a thumb over his shoulder at Ai, who is doing jumping jacks for no apparent reason.

Sousuke sighs. “Yeah, I got it. Just stop him from leaving. I’ll wait out here.”

Rin nods. He heads in to the showers and the rest of the team begins to follow. Sousuke watches from afar as Momo has to be the one to drag Ai into the locker room. Sighing, Sousuke heads out the exit that leads to the outdoor stairs. As he waits, he realizes that this is the same staircase he had found Ai, sniffling to himself, during prefecturals.

It’s a few minutes before Sousuke hears shouting just inside the door. It jumps open, and he briefly sees both Rin and Momo (as well as a few other team members) shoving Ai outside and slamming the door behind him. Ai looks shocked and he stands still for a few seconds, but Sousuke is sure that he’s thinking about bolting.

“Ai-” Sousuke starts. Ai cuts him off almost instantly.

“Ah, Yamazaki-senpai!” Ai exclaims, almost manic. “Funny seeing you here! Well, I have so much homework to do! I was just about to-“

“Wait,” Sousuke cuts him off. “Talk to me.”

“I just don’t have the time!” Ai’s talking a mile a minute, almost like his normal excited babbling but much, much louder. “There’s so much I need to do for class, so I need to get back to my dorm and immediately start working! I wish I could stay and chat but-“

“Why are you acting like this?” Sousuke shouts. He almost reaches out to grab Ai, like he would if it were Rin, but he stops himself. He expects Ai to startle out of it and look embarrassed.

What he doesn’t expect is Ai’s expression to darken until he’s glaring at Sousuke. “Leave me alone!” Ai shouts.

“No,” Sousuke growls. “Why are you acting like this?” Sousuke repeats, frustrated. He remembers asking the same question a few weeks ago. Ai looks away suddenly but Sousuke is surprised to see that he’s not crying.

“Because you don’t like me! I’m not Rin! I’m not good enough for you!” Ai shouts, his eyes wide and fists clenched in his pant legs.

That knocks the air out of Sousuke, along with his anger. “What…?” he asks blankly.

Ai turns away from him. “Just be with Rin! That’s what you wanted!” Ai says forcefully, but Sousuke can see his shoulders begin to shake. Sousuke sighs. He wants to put his hand on Ai’s shoulder, but he’s still afraid of touching him.

“I…may have had feelings for Rin earlier,” Sousuke says. He remembers apologizing to Ai weeks prior, about how he has to be sincere and warm. “But I don’t anymore. It just isn’t going to happen.”

“Don’t say that,” Ai sniffs. “‘Don’t crush your own potential before you try,’ isn’t that what you told me?” Ai is quiet, still looking away, but he turns and grips the railing, looking out over the trees.

“Yeah, I told you that,” Sousuke says with a huff of laughter. “But that was different. You really wanted something, and didn’t believe in yourself. What I want has changed, and what I originally wanted probably wouldn’t have worked in the first place. I want something different now”

“No,” Ai mutters. “You just want me because you can’t have Rin.”

And Sousuke doesn’t know how to respond to that, because he’s not sure that it’s not true.

He tries not to look directly at Ai, who is trying to inconspicuously wipe his eyes, and instead looks straight ahead at the tree tops. Neither of them speak for a few minutes and Ai sniffles a few times. Sousuke turns toward him, wanting to say something, when he notices Ai is shivering. He realizes that they’ve been outside for a while, and all Ai is wearing is his tracksuit.

“Let me walk you back to your dorm,” Sousuke suggests. Maybe Ai wants to argue, but he doesn’t. Sousuke unzips his jacket, ready to place it on Ai’s shoulders, even though it’s identical to the one he’s already wearing.

“Don’t,” Ai mutters. Sousuke stops unzipping, but starts walking anyway. A few steps down the staircase, he hears Ai begin to follow him. But Ai doesn’t look at him, and with his hands shoved in his jacket pockets it looks like he’s trying to make himself as small as possible.

 

* * *

 

It eats at Sousuke all evening, thinking about what Ai said. It’s true that he didn’t even consider any feelings for Ai until after Rin brought it up, but that doesn’t mean that his feelings didn’t exist.

Rin eventually comes back to the room, but Sousuke’s too absorbed in his thoughts to greet him. Then, a sock hits him in the face.

“Hey! I’m talking to you,” Rin barks.

“What,” Sousuke says, uninterested.

“Hey,” Rin’s tone is suddenly more gentle. “Is everything okay? Did you and Ai talk?”

“We did.”

“And…?”

Sousuke groans and rolls over. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, man,” Rin says. He uses the railing on Sousuke’s bed to pull himself up, and then swings a leg over (nearly kicking Sousuke in the head). He hoists himself up on the bed and sits cross-legged, looking concerned. “I thought you were acting weird today. And now you’re definitely acting weird, so spill.”

Sousuke doesn’t even know what to say. He sighs and rolls over more so he’s on his stomach.

“…Does it have to do with Ai?” Rin guesses. Sousuke groans to confirm. “Hey. Did you yell at him again?”

Sousuke groans again but lifts his head up so he can respond. “No. The other way around.”

“He yelled at you?” Sousuke can almost hear Rin’s eyes widening.

“Kind of. His voice was raised, so I guess that counts.” Sousuke sits up. Rin pulls his knees into his chest.

“Is there something going on between you?” Rin asks. Sousuke hesitates, not sure he wants to tell Rin the whole story. But he hopes that Rin can give him at least some insight, so he has to say something.

“Saturday, when we were at lunch,” Sousuke starts. “We kind of…got to talking. I kind of like him and I thought he felt the same.” Rin looks like he’s about to say something, but he closes his mouth. “But I don’t know what happened. Today he’s saying that he’s not good enough for me.”

“He actually said that?” Rin gapes.

“Yeah. He doesn’t think I should like him,” Sousuke mutters.

“As if you have control over that,” Rin rolls his eyes.

“But, Rin,” Sousuke starts, a sinking feeling in his gut. “I started thinking I did after you said our lunch was a date. I don’t think I would have started thinking of him that way otherwise.”

"Wait,” Rin’s eyes widen. “You mean you didn’t like him before then?”

“No,” Sousuke responds. “Not that I can think of.”

Rin’s forehead crinkles as he considers. “But I could have sworn I picked up on something. I always saw you two exchanging looks on our lunches. And you bought him those cards.”

“You thought I liked him?”

“Yes!” Rin says emphatically. “Oh my god, Sousuke. I seriously thought you did! That’s the reason why I said that, about the date, I was just making fun of you for having a crush.”

“So did I like him before you said that?” Sousuke wonders out loud.

“Idiot, how would I know?” Rin halfheartedly kicks Sousuke’s ankle.

“Shut up, I was thinking out loud,” Sousuke says as he throws his pillow at Rin. Rin grabs it and hugs it to his chest.

“Well, anyway I guess I can’t be much help, I’m not exactly great with relationships, obviously,” Rin says. “But I’m here if you need to talk.” Rin swings his legs over the bed and it’s not until he’s safely on his own bunk that Sousuke realizes he’s taken his pillow with him.

“Give my pillow back,” Sousuke leans over the railing.

“You threw it at me, asshole. It’s mine now,” Rin says smugly. Sousuke doesn’t feel like arguing, so he flops back onto his bed, figuring he’ll steal it when Rin goes to sleep; Sousuke already knows he’s not going to do much sleeping tonight.

But to his surprise, a few minutes later the pillow is tossed back onto his bed from below. “Good luck,” Rin says softly. “Now turn out the lights.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke's moping, but what's new?

In his dreams, Sousuke sees Ai. He sees Ai running down the stairs to get away from him, he sees Ai dive into a pool that turns into the ocean, he sees Ai standing by his bed and vanishing when he sits up. Each time, he wakes, startled, and tries to calm himself down enough to get back to sleep; each time he returns to sleep, another dream shows Ai getting away from him.

In the morning, Sousuke wakes, drained, as if he hadn’t actually slept. He goes through the day listlessly, half-dreading and half-excited for swim practice. On one hand, he wants to see Ai again, to try again; on the other, he’s worried that Ai will be just as defended as he was the day before. Sousuke can tell that Rin is trying not to be too obvious as he watches Sousuke for signs of distress, but Sousuke can still tell.

He watches the team go through their practice, constantly looking at Ai’s lane. If anyone asks, which no one does, he’ll just say that he’s making sure Momo doesn’t

But through the whole practice, all that happens is that he realizes how unimportant he is to practice. Rin’s team operates smoothly, even though Rin has been more laid back as a captain since the end of competition season. His only purpose after regionals had been to help Rin, or Ai. Rin doesn’t need his help anymore.

And Ai doesn’t even look at him.

Back during the time when Ai avoided him after he yelled, the rest of the team avoided him too. The scene in the locker room made everyone very well aware of the conflict, but this time, everyone treats Sousuke normally. Sousuke knows he should be relieved, but if anything, it makes him feel out of place.

He leaves practice while everyone else is showering, goes straight to his room, and flops on his bed. He doesn’t turn around when Rin enters, and Rin doesn’t push it.

 

* * *

 

The next few days are gloomy, a perfect reflection of Sousuke’s mood. He skips swim practice for the rest of the week; not like he really needed to be there, considering he can’t actually swim. His motivation for attending had been to be around Rin, who he sees around the clock anyway, and Ai, who continues to ignore him. Rin doesn’t pester him about his lack of attendance, but he can tell he doesn’t approve. Sousuke finds he doesn’t really care.

He’s having a hard time caring about lots of things, really. He knows that entrance exams will be coming up shortly after Christmas, so he throws himself into his studies, but it feels like he’s going through the motions.

“Hey. Get up,” Rin says one evening, shortly before winter break begins. Sousuke, lying on his stomach, reading from one of his study guides, doesn’t respond. “Hey! I’m talking to you.”

Sousuke groans. “That’s right,” Rin says. “You’ve been moping around for like a week. We’re going to dinner together.” Sousuke mumbles something that Rin can only assume is a protest. “Yes, we are. Get your ass dressed.” Again, a negative-sounding response. “I’m going to come up there and sit on you if you don’t get down here,” Rin threatens.

Finally, Sousuke rolls over. He slides down the ladder until he reaches the floor and stares Rin down as he pulls on a sweatshirt. Rin smirks, returning his gaze. Sousuke toes his shoes on wordlessly, and Rin, who hasn’t even taken his off, holds the door open for Sousuke.

Luckily Rin doesn’t lead him far, just to the cafeteria. Nothing looks particularly appetizing but before he knows it, Rin’s throwing plates on Sousuke’s tray. Rin leads them to a table and plops both of their trays down. Sousuke follows him and sits.

“I’m not going to feed you,” Rin snorts when he sees Sousuke isn’t eating. Sousuke sighs and starts picking at the vegetables Rin had grabbed for him. “You doing okay? You’ve been studying a lot,” Rin asks after a few minutes of silence.

“I’m not needed at swim practice,” Sousuke admits.

“No, but that didn’t stop you from coming before,” Rin points out. “I liked you being there, though.”

“None of the other guys care,” Sousuke says. Rin doesn’t deny it.

“It’s obvious to me when you’re not there. I know there are others that feel the same.” Sousuke doubts it. “Well, Ai’s times have been getting worse. And it started right around the time you stopped showing,” Rin says as he pops a cherry tomato into his mouth.

 

* * *

 

The weather lets up a little as it gets closer to the break, clouds and sleet turning into brittle sun. Sousuke still hasn’t felt like going to practice, but he’s made more of an effort to get out of the room when he’s not in class.

On the final day of class, Rin invites Sousuke to a team dinner in town for Chirstmas. Sousuke declines, assuming that Ai will be there and that Rin will try and hustle them into sitting near each other. Or worse, shoved in a closet with some mistletoe. He doesn’t know how Rin would manage it, but he’s almost annoyed with Rin over his own imaginary scenario.

Really, Sousuke has come up with thousands of ideas for things to say to Ai, but he’s not ready to say any of them yet. He still doesn’t know what will convince him. He knows that with each passing minute between that Saturday and that encounter on the staircase and now, he’s the chance of repairing things with Ai is dwindling. At this point, he’s not even sure if he can do anything to convince Ai that he’s worth keeping around. He doesn’t know when he would have given Ai cause to doubt that his feelings were sincere.

He’s looking forward to being home for winter break, as it means there’s no chance of bumping into Ai. He’s planning on hiding away in his room, where he won’t have a roommate to bother him into coming out (only his mother to bother him into reaching things on high shelves).

But with a twinge he realizes he’ll miss Ai’s birthday, a fact he only knows because Ai was complaining once about never being able to have a birthday party due to winter break. He starts half-assedly imagining a scenario where he finds Ai’s home address and brings him a cake on his birthday when Rin stumbles in.

“Did you have fun,” Sousuke asks, though he’s really not interested.

“Yeah, you should have come, you hermit,” Rin chuckles. “Hanging out with everyone is more fun when I won’t see them for two weeks.” He starts taking off his shoes and jacket, his face bright. _It’s amazing how different Rin looks when he’s happy_ , Sousuke thinks. Rin plops down in his chair and turns to look at Sousuke, in his own.

“What?” Sousuke asks, not looking up from his book.

“Don’t hole yourself up for the whole break,” Rin says seriously. “I mean it.”

Sousuke looks at Rin directly for the first time since coming in. He’s slightly flushed from being out in the cold. He smells nice too.

“…I won’t,” Sousuke says, but he knows he’s not being convincing. Right now, all he knows is that he can’t take his eyes off of Rin and Rin’s staring at him too and it’s suddenly too much. They’re just staring at each other, and time must have stopped because nothing else in the world could possibly be happening.

Rin leans in close, and Sousuke knows it’s coming, and does nothing to stop it, and Rin closes the distance between them, and joins his lips to Sousuke’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I wanted this to be the last chapter, but as I was getting ready to post, I felt like it was rushed. So I spaced out some of the events that were supposed to be here, and the slow burn continues!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin had just kissed Sousuke...

Kissing Rin is…

Odd. It’s something Sousuke had thought about quite a bit in the past few months. But he keeps on feeling Rin’s nose bump into his and their foreheads keep sticking to each other.

Sousuke puts a hand in Rin’s hair and a hand on his shoulder. Rin puts both of his hands on Sousuke’s waist. Sousuke pauses, for a second, while Rin continues to caress Sousuke’s lips with his own; Sousuke focuses deep to his toes, trying to feel a pulse of energy, a flash of lightning.

But none comes.

Rin must have noticed that Sousuke isn't responding, because Rin pulls away, wiping his mouth. They stare at each other; Sousuke’s never been great with people and he’s certainly never had to make small talk after a less-than-enjoyable kiss from his best friend.

“Shit,” Rin says, finally breaking the silence. “I can’t believe…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“Hey,” Sousuke finds his voice. “Don’t worry about it.”

Rin nods, but he looks far from okay. He looks like a rabbit being stared down by a lion; Sousuke doesn’t think he’s ever thought of comparing Rin to a delicate woodland creature. Rin eventually turns toward his desk and picks up a book but Sousuke can only assume that he’s not actually reading, because Sousuke is definitely pretending to work on homework. His mind couldn’t actually be farther away from the math problem he’s looking at.

It’s quiet for a while, then Rin suddenly closes his book and gets into bed. He’s facing the wall, but Sousuke assumes that he’s not actually tired. Still, Sousuke knows he should go to bed early so he can get up in time to pack before he leaves for break, so he turns off the light and climbs into bed himself.

Rin’s voice is quiet when he speaks, but Sousuke still hears him. “Let’s just forget this happened,” he says.

“Yeah. No problem.”

 

* * *

 

Instead of sleeping, Sousuke can only think about Rin. That’s nothing new; three months before, Sousuke would have given anything to make out with Rin, but now that he has, he’s not sure why he wanted it so much. He tries to remember the feeling from earlier, to convince himself that he felt anything other than confusion.

But no matter how hard he tries, he can’t channel any excitement, or joy, or arousal from kissing Rin.

 

* * *

 

They pack in relative silence the next morning, both planning to take the same train home. The quiet is awkward and punctuated occasionally by Rin mumbling to himself, trying to make sure he doesn’t leave anything behind.

“You ready?” Sousuke asks, bag in hand, thirty minutes before their train will leave.

“Yeah,” Rin replies. They don’t speak on the way to the station, nor on the train. It’s not a comfortable silence, by any means, but it’s also not painful.

Sousuke gets off one stop before Rin. “Have a good break,” Sousuke says.

Rin holds up his fist. “Yeah, man. You too,” he says, as Sousuke bumps it. “And don’t forget what I said before.”

 

* * *

 

Overall, Sousuke considers his winter break a success. He holes himself in his room and plays video games, only to emerge for his mom’s cooking. He’s forced into the cold for New Year’s Eve, then promptly returns home and does his best to avoid any other human contact from anyone not directly related to himself.

Surprisingly, Rin texts him a few times.

**Rin: are you relaxing??? put down your books you nerd**

**Rin: don’t forget to eat dinner. and save some for me**   
****

**Rin: take a shower I can smell u from over here**   
****

Sousuke smiles every time he sees a text from Rin and does his best to respond. It’s comforting to know that Rin is still looking out for him, even after their awkward encounter before break.

On January 4th, Sousuke almost calls Ai. But in the end, he’s too afraid to even text. He’s not sure why the idea gives him so much anxiety, since the ever-polite Ai would probably at least send a courtesy reply. In the end, maybe it’s the fear that Ai _won’t_ give a generic reply that stops him from reaching out.

But he wants to.

 

* * *

 

All breaks have to end, so the day before classes start again, Sousuke finds himself packing his bags and kissing his mother goodbye. Rin’s not coming back until later that evening, so at least Sousuke will still have some alone time. The 10:20 train back to Samezuka isn’t crowded, and not many students have returned to campus.

But then he sees _him_.

He sees the pale hair sticking out of a slouchy beanie and knows, instantly, that he can’t let Ai go this time.

Sousuke half-jogs up to the dorm, not wanting Ai to go inside before he can catch him.

“Ai,” he calls, slightly out of breath. Ai turns around.

He looks the same. Of course he does, it’s not like he could change that much in two weeks. All the same, Sousuke feels relieved to see his narrow, pale face, even that little beauty mark under his eye.

Ai falters for a second, then smiles. “How was your break, Yamazaki-senpai?”

Sousuke cringes internally at the formality, then tries his best to smile back. “Yeah, it was fine,” he says. “Did you have a good birthday?”

Ai looks surprised. “Oh, it was good! Momo-kun and Seijuuro-buchou video called me, it was nice.”

Sousuke can picture Ai blushing at Captain Handsome’s obnoxious red hair and infectious grin. Ugh. “How thoughtful of them,” he says, trying not to sound sarcastic. He’s aware that now they’re just standing around outside the building, but he doesn’t want Ai to leave. “Sorry, were you on your way to somewhere?”

“It’s no problem, I was just about to go to the convenience store for snacks,” Ai tells him.

“I’ll come with you,” Sousuke says hurriedly. “Let me put my stuff in my room.”

“Oh, no, that’s fine,” Ai says airily. “I don’t want to put you out.”

“No, I want to,” Sousuke says firmly.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke is relieved that Ai is still there when he comes back from putting his bags upstairs. “Thanks for waiting,” he says. Ai nods and leads the way.

“Is Rin-senpai back yet?” Ai asks.

“No, he’s coming back later today,” Sousuke responds.

“How are things between you two, anyway?” Ai asks.

“Alright, I guess,” Sousuke says. “Oh, um. He kissed me right before break.”

Ai actually stops in his tracks. “What?” he gasps. “Really?”

“Yeah. It was weird, though,” Sousuke explains. “I didn’t feel anything.”

Ai looks at him intently before starting to walk again. “But things haven’t been weird since then?”

“Well, I haven’t seen him since break started. We texted, though,” Sousuke says. Ai doesn’t say anything else until they enter the store.

“I won’t be long,” Ai says, grabbing a basket. Sousuke follows him as he heads directly to the candy and plops several down in his basket. Ai grabs various snacks from around the store and some drinks. As Ai heads up to the register, Sousuke wordlessly grabs his basket and plops it on the counter.

“Sousuke-senpai, what are you doing?” Ai asks.

“I didn’t get you a birthday present, so I’m going to buy your snacks,” Sousuke states.

“Oh, but you don’t have to,” Ai protests as Sousuke pays. “I didn’t expect a present, I haven’t exactly been a good friend lately.” Sousuke grabs the bag from the cashier.

“I still wanted to get you something,” Sousuke says when they get back outside. “I don’t know exactly what happened to us, but I wanted to make it up to you.”

“You…didn’t do anything,” Ai says, embarrassed. “It was my fault, I blew things out of proportion.”

“Well, I still felt bad for upsetting you,” Sousuke says, also embarrassed. “So. I’m sorry. I hope we can go back to how things were.”

“Of course,” Ai agrees. They approach the building and Sousuke hands the bag to Ai. Ai stops, bag in hand.

“Sousuke-senpai,” Ai starts. “When you said ‘how things were,’ what did you mean? Like when we went to lunch, or…the other thing?”

Sousuke hesitates. “I want whatever you want. I just don’t want something to come between us.”

“That doesn’t tell me anything,” Ai laughs weakly. “But okay. Thank you, Sousuke-senpai.”

 

* * *

 

When the term starts, Sousuke is too busy to worry about what will happen wth Ai. But he finds he has just enough time to return to swim practice. Momo is even more enthusiastic than he remembered, and Rin definitely seems grateful for someone else to keep an eye on him. But more often than not, Sousuke finds himself at the end of Ai’s lane, waiting to help him out of the pool.

“Before break, his times were slowing,” Rin tells him one day. “But they’re getting better again.”

“Is it just me, or is he more confident?” Sousuke asks.

“No, I think you’re right,” Rin agrees. “It’s good having you back.” Rin and Sousuke haven’t discussed their kiss, but Sousuke thinks that may be for the better; Sousuke doesn’t feel like it matters anymore.

 

* * *

 

And then in March, right before the year ends, Rin declares that Ai is the new captain. Sousuke watches Ai cry as the rest of the team congratulates him, proud of all the progress he’s made. He hangs back as the rest of the team goes to change, waiting for Ai. It takes forever; he imagines that everyone has something to say to their new captain. Finally, Rin leaves the locker room. He sees Sousuke hanging around and winks, grinning.

Then, Ai comes out. Thankfully, he’s alone.

“Ai,” Sousuke says. There was really no need to call out to him, Ai was already walking towards him.

“Sousuke-senpai,” Ai says, still looking a little tearful.

“I’m not your senpai anymore,” Sousuke says gently. Unfortunately, that’s enough to set Ai off and suddenly he’s crying again.

“I know,” Ai says, voice cracking.

Sousuke can tell that it’s going to be hard to talk to Ai if he’s crying, even if it’s partly for happy reasons. Wordlessly, he closes the distance between them and wraps Ai in a hug. His arms easily wrap around Ai, but he notices that Ai has gotten a little taller. Ai is shaking, but he holds on tightly to Sousuke, grabbing his jacket tightly. Sousuke rubs Ai’s back, keeping one hand on top of Ai’s head.

“Congratulations,” Sousuke says softly. “I’m very proud of you.” He hears Ai squeak out a watery ‘thank you.’

 

* * *

 

About a week later, Sousuke is on his bed, reading before bed, when there’s a knock on the door.

“No, don’t get up, I’ll get it,” Rin says sarcastically.

“Thanks,” Sousuke says, without looking up.

The door opens and closes, but Sousuke doesn’t hear Rin talking to anyone. He assumes it might have been someone knocking on the wrong door, but then he doesn’t hear Rin grumbling about having to get up.

“Rin, who’s…” Sousuke starts, but when he looks up, Rin isn’t there.

It’s Ai.

He’s standing in the middle of the room, with Rin nowhere to be seen. Ai starts making his way towards the bed and Sousuke watches silently.

When Ai starts climbing the ladder up to Sousuke’s bed, Sousuke’s heart starts pounding; Ai looks serious but he’s blushing and Sousuke is in the middle of wondering why he only climbed partially up the ladder, when Ai kisses him.

It’s a little awkward, with Sousuke still lying down and Ai standing, but Sousuke’s pulse goes through the roof as Ai’s lips gently caress his and both of his hands grab Sousuke’s face. It’s nothing like before, or with Rin; it’s passionate and fantastic and Sousuke’s not sure he's breathing. But he never wants to stop, and he definitely never wants Ai’s hands to leave his face. When Sousuke grabs Ai’s waist and squeezes, Ai sighs happily.

And then they hear the door open and suddenly someone’s clapping for them.

“Rin-senpai…” Ai wails, clapping his hands to his own face.

“Sorry,” Rin chuckles. “I wanted to see how that went.”

“It went well, thanks,” Sousuke says flatly and Ai groans.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Sousuke returns from class to find a note on his desk, written on duck stationary.

_Dear Sousuke-senpai,_

_I want to spend a lot of time with you before you graduate. Please go on a date with me tomorrow evening._  
_Yours,  
_ _Nitori Aiichirou_

And since Rin isn’t back from his classes yet, no one is in the room to witness Sousuke pumping his fist in celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go! I had about 90% of this written before I even started posting it, but the ending gave me a lot of trouble! The last 1000 or so words probably caused the biggest delay. I knew this would be Soutori from the start, sorry if you were here for the Sourin! I wanted a Soutori that wasn't all about kink, that focused on how dorky both of these babies are, so this thing here was born. It's the longest thing I've ever written!

**Author's Note:**

> More coming soon!


End file.
